A phase?

Well the past 2 nights Tommi has given us some major trouble when putting her to bed. She does everything great then when it comes time for us to walk out the door she can't contain her tears. She literally just cries like she is scared of something but can't tell us what is going on.

Last night I was so frustrated that I did not handle it very well. I basically got mad at her...in the matter of about 30 minutes, she got her nightlights taken way, I got very frustrated, and it was a horrible situation! TJ being the calmer parent in frustrating times was super concerned b/c she was shaking and really upset. In my mind I kept thinking she is just trying to manipulate us. So TJ went in and cuddled with her for 45 minutes or so. He finally came out and I went in and told her I loved her prayed over her and gave her back her nightlights b/c it was too dark with out them and I felt like crap by that point. She needed me and all I could do was get mad b/c she was taking away from my time to chill. Seriously Laura? Mom of the year moment for you...NOT! So she finally did go to sleep after that.

I hardly slept b/c I felt so bad. I prayed and prayed God would just give me the patients to help her like I would if it were during the day and not cutting into my selfish time. And honestly begged for forgiveness b/c I was struggling.

Well tonight went well to start and I thought ok it was a fluke. But nope...the moment I went to walk out the door she pulled out the "I have to pee" so I said no and walked out. Well she came out and was crying on the toilet for some random reason of "she felt like she had to pee and she could only go a little" I started to feel frustrated but didn't go there. So I went in and laid down with her for a while. I went to get up and she just couldn't not cry and kept telling me she wasn't cold but she said she was shivering (she was not actually shivering that I could feel) So I laid with her again and prayed over her (to myself) over and over and thanked God for my issue b/c that means my baby is at home and needing me. Not in a hospital or somewhere I can't control things. I felt peace. She asked TJ to come in for extra kisses then told him to ask me to come do "extra prayers". So I went in and prayed with her and laid with her more then I needed to shower so I told her I was going to do that and I would be back ASAP. She got teary eyed but we talked and I got her all kinds of stuffed animals and offered her 2 stickers that she really wanted. (Weird but whatever works) She seemed to calm and was ok with this. I went out and TJ was in the basement so I had to wait about 20 minutes. Since she didn't call for me I went in before my shower and let her know I had to wait on TJ so I was going to shower now. She told me "I was just praying to God" so I asked her what she was praying about thinking she was praying to be brave etc. She said "I was praying for a baby brother!" and giggled. Lord help me that stinker. I pray she is not disappointed either way! Well anyway I gave her her stickers b/c I was proud of her. She seemed happy. I told her I would be right back. So I took a shower and probably was gone 30 minutes. When I went back in she was sleeping peacefully! So it was an hour process again but 110 times better than yesterday. TJ is super worried about her but I'm thinking she is going through a phase. I have had that "funny feeling to cry" too many times to count and vividly remember my mom comforting me when I felt that way. She never made me feel ashamed and I want Tommi to have that confidence also.

If she needs me then that is where I am going to be! Thankfully Miley goes right down now so no worries of her!

I am SO thankful for peace tonight and patience! I felt like a new person after getting through that tonight with only a few tears. No shaking, no crazy can't breath crying, etc. We did well! I will be moving bedtime back a bit to account for the time she needs to settle but she can't tell time so she will never know!

I needed to document this...it is hard to admit those "bad mom" moments but it happens and I am working hard to be patient and find peace. I want to be the mother God wants me to be. I want to always be there for my kids and be the best for them.